pictures from the leyte landslide

or not. these pictures were taken by my tita at the recent hakot-kalat of our home in makati. we sold all that junk for about 10k, too. the house feels a lot roomier and cleaner now. and we have more stuff to get rid off pa. broken movie projectors, old movie reels and screens, ancient typrewriters, irreparable electronic appliances. the house can easily pass for a museum of sorts. in the garage alone, my lolo's ford laser and the (vintage?) volkswaggen beetle that could withstand the floods of españa in manila.

it's a relief to finally let go of all this rubbish. sentimental rubbish. rubbish that probably takes up more space than we do. i'm an emotional packrat myself; i've kept a lot of the notes i exchanged with my friends in high school, palancas from retreats, receipts from dates, and whatnot. memory is so difficult to hold on to.

but i guess we all have to let lolo go.

i did not want this to be a sad entry but emotion knows no dictator.

my lolo, the only one i ever knew, died 3 days after my birthday of unnatural causes. i say 'unnatural causes' because he suffered a heart attack at the munisipyo. the police were harassing my tita irene, forcibly trying to arrest her for a crime she did not commit. my lolo's hypertension kicked in and he died before they could even take him to the hospital across the street. he had just turned 72.

the reason why he was at the munisipyo, why my tita was being arrested, why my family has been harassed for about half a year now, is a story i will expose at another time. for now, i just want to mourn a little, to pay tribute to the man who gave me a lovely middle name: pajarillo. spanish for 'little bird'.

i had always thought that, on my wedding day, i would like to walk down the aisle by myself. i did not want to be 'given away', choosing instead to come by my own free will. when that day finally comes, i will be walking by myself. not because i choose to, but because i am once again without a father.

on the night of my lolo's death, my dad came to me in a dream. i was sobbing and he held my arms still. he reached into the air, plucking the four winds and placing them in his mouth. then he gently kissed me on both cheeks, hugged me, and told me everything would be okay.

wherever my dad and my lolo are, i hope they're smiling at me.