2 years

even i can hardly believe that we've been together this long.

we met three years ago, at the 9th heights writers workshop held yearly at the sacred heart novitiate in far-flung novaliches. that fateful evening, i was looking for jilly and i went into the session room. he was there by himself, writing, and he looked up when i came in. and smiled.

so i smiled, said 'hi', and turned on my heel in one swift movement that somehow forever etched on his memory, as i found out later.

when i returned, the other faci's were giddy. i'd passed him on the corridor and he gave me a cheshire cat grin. he had written me a poem and my friends were beside themselves with kilig-ness. and i said, oh god, i thought he was a panelist.

they gave me his nameplate so i'd remember: R. Javier Bengzon, fellow (poetry in filipino)

the next day, i went home. he'd pop into the pub room every now and then, always with that silly-boy smile. he wrote me another poem, complaining of how i was always in a rush. once, i found a stack of books on my shelf, a reading list of sorts that i only managed to browse through. for christmas, he gave me a pretty blue box. inside the box was a copy of coraline and a gorgeous bound-leather journal for writing my poetry in.

but i had my eyes (and my heart, ugh!) set elsewhere. (what the hell was i thinking? i wasn't thinking!)

so, take 2: we were together again for the 10th workshop, this time both as faci's. on our way to shn, we took a detour to his house in capitol so he could pick up his stuff. jilly was riding shotgun and i stayed with polly at the backseat. because no one wanted to hold ralph, his teddy bear, i did and drifted in and out of sleep. it was raining.

when we finally arrived at shn, it was pitch-black and we were hungry. i thought it had made me delirious, but no, those flickering things were not ghosts or mini ufo's. they were fireflies and i'd never seen fireflies before. pretty, pretty lights that danced in the darkness, calling for love.

he drove me home two nights after. while crossing the bridge over santolan, he teased me about taking me home there instead, knowing somehow that the 'object of my (misplaced) affection' lived there. that was when i decided to stop being a lunatic and finally get over it and move on to greener pastures.

and move on i did.

today, i find myself incredibly loved by someone so wonderful. and when i cry at night, it's because i'm overwhelmed by this realization. the truth is, we've gone through more problems than i can enumerate. but we're still here and as crazy-in-love-love with each other as ever. sabi niya nga sakin minsan: tayo lang ang tumagal sa kabila ng kalungkutan.

he calls me his firefly, a light dancing in the darkness that once enveloped him. and he is my habi, a weaving that i cannot and will not leave, until the last knot is in place.